The 3 Rules for Emotionally Connected Speaking
1. Share only one thing at a time. Human beings have cognitive limitations. If you share too many things with your partner at one time he will probably only remember the last part of what you tell him. So keep the packages of information small.
2. Don’t make accusations. The reason for this rule is pretty obvious: If you become accusatory your partner will likely react by becoming defensive and the whole moment will evaporate. Don’t let your voice sound angry or accusing, don’t let the words you say be accusatory either. With a little thought there is almost always a way to share sensitive information about your partner or your relationship in a non-accusatory way.
3. Help your partner understand you. As the speaker, it’s your job to help the listener truly understand how you feel or what you think about the issue you are sharing. In a good conversation a listener will ask questions, repeat back what the speaker has said and try to investigate the issue being discussed so he can understand it more completely